


Different Kinds of Beauty

by The_Exile



Category: Nier Gestalt | Nier
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Banter, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, POV First Person, Self-Esteem Issues, Spoilers, Swearing, implied Bigotry & Prejudice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:48:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25628479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Exile/pseuds/The_Exile
Summary: Kainé thought she was ugly. Actually, Kainé thought everyone was ugly but she seemed to reserve the most criticism for herself. Emil wasn't sure why and was not prepared to just accept it.
Relationships: Emil & Kainé (Nier)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4
Collections: Press Start VI





	Different Kinds of Beauty

**Author's Note:**

  * For [apotheosizing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/apotheosizing/gifts).



Kainé laughed when I told her the truth. I'd finally worked up the courage to tell her that I thought she looked beautiful, if a little scary, and that she didn't need to worry about what the grumpy old book thought. Weiss constantly finds a reason to criticise everyone and yet he won't even let us call him a book even though he has pages and binding and a cover so what else are we supposed to call him? She just gave me that bitter laugh of hers - I'd really like to see her actually laugh and smile but she threatened to stab me last time I said that - and she told me that the book was at least more perceptive than the rest of us. 

She told me that the ugliness she was talking about wasn't something we could see, even though she doesn't wear much, as Weiss so loves to point out. It was going to be a good long while before I grew up enough to ever see that ugliness, and then only if I was lucky. She must have been talking about her mind, I guess. I don't think her personality's that bad - a little rough around the edges but then I get the impression nobody's ever been nice to her in her life except her Grandma, so she's going to have some problems talking to people. Nier is just as bad, anyway, and the book just plain annoys me sometimes. None of them are evil people. 

Well, maybe the voice I hear Kainé talk to at night isn't very nice. I thought maybe she was going crazy at first and that was what she was trying to hide from me. Then I started hearing it too. I don't hear it with my regular senses - its something to do with the Shade, the sort of thing I pick up with my unusual powers. I think she might be part Shade or being possessed by a Shade or something - it might be why Weiss particularly doesn't get on with her. I've heard her talk to the Shade too, having these whole conversations with them while we're in a fight, as though they were responding with words nobody else can hear. For all we actually know about Shades, I don't have any reason not to believe that Kainé can really talk to them.

What I don't understand is how that's supposed to make Kainé any more ugly than the rest of us. I'm some sort of magical experiment gone wrong - my head looks like a pumpkin... skull... thing, for Heaven's sake! Grimoire is a talking book who I'm not sure was originally a book, from what he describes of his memories sometimes. Nier... well, he's getting old, he's always bad-tempered and keeps killing everything. Two of those things also describe Kainé, as she helpfully pointed out. My point was, I don't see how any of this makes Kainé particularly ugly compared with the rest of us.

"I never said I thought any of you weren't ugly," she'd muttered in response when I brought it up. She was cleaning bits of Shade off her blades again. For someone who has conversations with them, she seems to be the one who kills the most of them out of all of us, too. I guess they mustn't be very pleasant conversations, "Except you don't deserve any of this shit. The world should have left you out of it. The world's not nice, though."

"I don't see why you're to blame either," I insisted, "All of this... whatever's happening... we didn't have anything to do with it, and we're trying to stop it, aren't we?"

"Sometimes wonder," she glowered down at herself, which meant she was also talking to that voice again, "At the very least, we're doing a fucking awful job of it."

"That's not your fault, though. We still don't really understand what's going on."

"I really should do, though," she replied, "Or maybe I even do, I'm just making excuses instead of admitting it to myself. Maybe I'm even not under my own control any more..."

"I've got to control myself as well. Its okay. We can both help each other."

"With the power of friendship, eh?" she scoffed, rolling her eyes, "Ain't that kind of adventure, kid."

"If it makes you two feel any better, I promise to put you both down humanely if I see either of you lose control entirely," a familiar voice called cheerfully. Kainé looked over her shoulder and hissed like a stray cat.

"Shut the fuck up, book," she snarled, "If I was gonna ask that of anyone, it'd be Nier, or maybe the kid."

"And ruin his precious innocence?" Weiss scoffed.

"Um, would you do the same to me?" I asked. I was lowering my eyes and talking at the ground again. I have a bad habit of doing that when I'm nervous or sad, "Its just that I don't wanna ask Nier 'cause he's got a little girl and I don't want her to have a murderer for a daddy."

Kainé cackled out loud at that, "We're all murderers, kid. All stained to shit with red up to our elbows."

"You know, sometimes it really comes across as you feeling sympathy for the Shade," said Weiss.

"Fat chance of that," she snorted, "I was talking about those wolves the other day, anyway. Poor doggies. Wasn't the wolves' fault their pack leader got tainted."

“See, we agree on something!” I said, sounding a little more desperate than I meant to. She winced. She’s always going on about how my voice gets painfully high pitched but I’m sure she’s exaggerating.

“Did you really just say ‘doggies’?” Weiss snorted.

“Huh? Yeah, I did. I’m allowed to say ‘doggies’. Doggies!” she yelled at the top of her voice, to the wasteland in general.

I’m not reassured that she isn’t going insane. Then again, I think we all are. This is enough to send anyone crazy. These days I mostly just hope Nier’s kid will see a healed world and won’t end up as messed up as the rest of us.

“Yeah, and… and bookies!” I called out my agreement, amused at how ruffled Weiss’ pages looked when he was disproportionately angry at silly things.

“Bookies are something else, idiot,” snapped Kainé.

“What are bookies?”

“I’d explain but we’d need to go into a town and we’re both too fucked up to do that like normal people,” she said, “Hey, do you fancy helping me catch some rabbits for dinner?”


End file.
